I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
