So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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