Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
