Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
