if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
