there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
