I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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