If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
