You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
