I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
