I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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