And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
