this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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