Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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