first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
True strength comes from lack of pants
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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