Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
