the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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