Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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