ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
