i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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