She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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