hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize