You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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