Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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