chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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