i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
