I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
do herpes really smell.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
