I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
