Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
