Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Everyone says I win the strip club
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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