Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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