im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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