why didn't you poke me back
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
where are my eyebrows?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
