ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
