a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Someone shattered a urinal.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
