You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
