No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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