She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We have started to decorate penises.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
