I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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