Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
