The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
