We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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