You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
