Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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