Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
