..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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