sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Damn victory sex feels great
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
