i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize