I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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