i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
