every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
