Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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