What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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