Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
