You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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