I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
