New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
