I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My pussy is not your playground.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
