You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
