How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
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Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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