my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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