its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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