dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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