bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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